(PDF/EPUB) [Alien Bodies] ¿ Lawrence Miles

Alien Bodies

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Entire chapter in the current story telling us who worthless and laughable the Krotons are and seriously of all the monsters of the week he could resurrect rom the original series he picked KROTONS just before launching into the Kroton backstory resurrect rom the original series he picked KROTONS just before launching into the Kroton backstory wherein he goes into significant depth about the biology and society of the Kroton race I nearly threw the book across
the room at 
room at point So reaking terrible I can t begin to comprehend this Incidentally this is what I referred to in my review of War of the Daleks People complained about the interludes in that book but there were three times as many interludes in this book At least that book only threw one in in between major sections of the book serving to split the story up in a Sicilian Lives fashion not unlike the original series serials This book s interludes being every other chapter just served to jumble the story weakening an already weak tale But I digressAsor the story again in better hands such a concept could have been intriguing The Doctor shows up at an auction Tattoo a Banana: And Other Ways to Turn Anything and Everything Into Art for the Relic a weapon desired by several opposingactions in the aforementioned uture Time War The mystery is kind of silly since it becomes uickly apparent what that Relic is long before Miles intended reveal The mystery of of silly since it becomes uickly apparent what that Relic is long before Miles intended reveal The mystery of various actions is only slightly interesting but uickly becomes absurd Miles decided to delete the Celestial Intervention Agency The Protestant Temperament from reality and rename them Celestis in their outside of reality but not really new home I m sorry if you shorten Celestial to Celestis then that i still has the sound of a long E in my head which makes their name utterly ridiculous soundingAlso howar are we supposed to swallow the splintering of Gallifreyan culture There s the original Gallifrey the Celestis Faction Paradox which is both silly and also originally Gallifreyan and now the Enemy an unnamed That's So '90s Pop!: A Fill-In Activity Book future antagonist in thisuture War of Miles We meet a member of the Enemy in the Celestis home at the end of the story and he s described as wearing Gallifreyan garb So basically every The Radiant Child faction making serious bids on the Relic not counting you know the Krotons and the still not time aware humans are all Gallifreyan and every last one of them at odds with each other Theact that the Celestis want to pretend to neutrality and the The Best American Crime Writing fact that Faction Paradox adopts members of all races does nothing to change thatactIn short Lawrence Miles set out to write the most ambitious book in the history of Doctor Who and The Internet of Us: Knowing More and Understanding Less in the Age of Big Data failed miserably And then wondered why no other authors wanted to use his plot elements sighs The sole light in this darkness is that somebody eventually did and in doing so wiped thisuture War nonsense out of existence Causing Lawrence Miles to pout take his toys and go home Sadly I have to suffer through Miles before I get to that glorious point but I will revel when I get to that story So many elements of this story now eature heavily in NuWho especially Matts era. Dder is something horrifying than even the Doctor could have imagined something that could change his life oreverAnd just when it seems things can't get any worse the Doctor Tempting Eden finds out who else is on the guest list. Er writtenor it and indeed holds a large grudge against it Alien Bodies gives a much deeper understanding to Nu WhoSo how good is Alien Bodies Well it s a mix of gothic Talking to Dragons (Enchanted Forest Chronicles, fantasy scienceiction and Douglas Adams with its own pixyish charm There are characters who do blood rights whilst wearing skull masks there are spaces constructed entirely in mathematics and there are jokes that Adams would have been proud of Talking to Dragons for example the authors of the various reference books uoted It s a book which stacks ideas on top of ideas and is clearly than a little in love with its own intelligence And thator the most part is Great As The Book Is as the book is and I appreciate the witty little gags there just to show off its cleverness But it seems to me that Miles loses control of these ideas So many are introduced and they are piled so high that it becomes Three Times the Love frustrating when the whole thing starts to topple over and various ideas are just left scattered on theloor And at that point the cleverness in tone of the book becomes a hindrance as clearly it s not as clever as it *Thinks It IsThe Doctor Finds *it isThe Doctor The Drowning Man finds at an auction in the South Pacific with various shady emissaries The lot they re bidding on is The Doctor s own dead body Whichever way you look at it that s a hell of a good set up For the most part it deliver on the promise of that opening and I was thrilled reading it Ultimately though as entertaining as it is the book just slips awayrom the author Chess games spanning decades and lifetimes an auction The Bride of Willow Creek for a mysterious body and TARDIS models disguised as humans I loved it If I could give a book zero stars this one wouldn t even get one Actually having read comments by the author I d love to give this book negative stars Arrogant douche But I ll try to confine this review to the book itselfOkay so this book introduces giant new plot twists to the Eighth Doctor Adventures in theorm of a Time War set somewhere in Gallifrey s GREAT INVESTMENT, THE futurerom the Doctor s perspective This is an incredibly ambitious idea and in the hands of a good author I am Sure The Story Would the story would highly entertaining Lawrence Miles is not that author The actual result was a preposterous train wreck I truly never thought I would read a worse story than The Icewind Dale trilogy something I regret even admitting to have read even if I was sixteen or seventeen at the time but this one takes the cake I truly have never read a worse novel than this and I hope never to read one worse stillFirst of all orget the story The ormat of the book was awful I have to imagine that this idiot is a The Lively Art of Writing fan of the Silmarillion the way he keeps skipping to idiotic character backstories literally every other chapter He does this to createalse cliffhangers and as a time travel gimmick each subseuent backstory is a piece of the Relic s story only told in reverse The problem is they re stories about characters that we just don t goddamn care about He literally spends an. To be the deadliest weapon ever createdWhen the Doctor and Sam arrive in the city the Time Lord soon realises they've walked into the middle of the strangest auction in history and what's on sale to the highest bi. A startling reminder that before he was a ranting man on "the internet Lawrence Miles wrote startlingly good Doctor Who You can " internet Lawrence Miles wrote startlingly good Doctor Who You can why a man might be bitter though when he came up in the space of this one book with the Time War a human emale TARDIS and a story in which the Doctor s corpse is the starting pointBut then some of the stuff he doesn t like is here too For all that he complains about Moffat s overuse of the Doctor s reputation as a weapon in itself or the tendency to upgrade the Doctor into an all round superhero this is the story of the great powers of the galaxy and some less celebrated parties *Trying To Get On To That Level *to get on to that level to bid on a relic of great and unspecified powers That relic beingthe corpse of a uture Doctor whose adventures in the meantime have left his biodata even valuable than it already was Who even in death can mess with events And so orth In other words this is excellent So s the new series They re clearly the same Doctor Who whatever anyone might say to the contrary Why can t people just get along I ll be honest I used to sneer at spin off books of TV showsfilms Whether they be Doctor Who or Stark Trek or Star Wars or The Dukes of Hazzard or The A Team I ve always looked at the spin off books as hack work There The Glass Ocean for some author to churn out uickly and make a uick buck while theranchise it s linked to was still popular I am realising though as I get older and wiser there are writers who are truly inspired to do great work in the ictional universes they inherit Writers who aren t just content with churning something out but writing excellent books that just happen to be based in pre existing universes In science iction that s doubly true as in novels there is no limit to special effects or locations any panorama is open any place is time or space is possible That s why I ve inally decided to explore the Doctor Who novels and maybe even Star Trek and Star Wars somewhere down the line It s a chance or urther adventures a chance of brand new worlds I am opening my mind people Although if I m honest I ll probably still steer clear of any Dukes of Hazzard Or A Team Spin Off Novels I A Team spin off novels I s easy to see why Lawrence Miles s Alien Bodies is so well regarded in Doctor Who circles Clearly its influence stretches ar into the new series We have The Doctor himself as a The Leadership Gap fetish object who iseared and hunted by the rest of the universe The Pandorica Opens we have the Doctor s bodily remains being a power unto themselves The Name of the Doctor we have a character Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science (and What I've Learned So Far) falling out of a window and into the Tardis which is parked on the side of the building The Day of the Moon and in the character of Sam a girl whose timelines have been manipulated to put her inront of The Doctor we surely have Amy Pond That s before we get to the bits about The Time Lords losing a war to a race who are similarly time active It s all in this book and even though Lawrence Miles has nev. On an island in the East Indies in a lost city buried deep in the heart of the rainforest agents of the most Serenity Role Playing Game formidable powers in the galaxy are gathering They have been invited there to bidor what could turn out. ,